OUR GSO.

Today was the final day of OUR GSO, the project we have been planning all summer long. It's over. We're done. It feels so weird. I expect to have to get up in the morning and go fill up the water cooler for the day, but I won't have to. I don't think I like that.

Monday we painted at Foust Elementary.

Tuesday we had a neighborhood pick up in the morning, and a furniture drive (CWS)/food drive (Lindley Backpack Program) in the afternoon.

Wednesday afternoon (and Friday) we volunteered with Welfare Reform and then had a cookout at Lindley.

Thursday we worked at the Newcomers School in the morning and hung out with some refugee families in the afternoon playing soccer and eating snow cones.

Today (Saturday) we worked on some projects at Lindley Elementary and had a big cookout afterwards.

It's been a busy week. I am tired. My body is ready for a rest. But I'm also kind of sad it's over. I'm going to miss everyone coming together every day to work alongside each other. I am going to miss painting and gardening and talking to people. I am going to miss the hard work, because it was so rewarding. It feels good to know that I've accomplished something tangible this week, and it's felt good to see our church body unify under one cause this week. I've loved watching everyone serve. Our people are great. I love them. And the people of this city are great. I've loved getting to see more of them this week.

Thank you for your prayers this week. Thank you for your encouragement and support. We had a great week, and I am sad that it is behind us.

Tomorrow is Sunday. Sunday will be like any usual Sunday. Then Monday comes, and the interns plus Todd and Michael are going to Washington D.C. for a few days as our debriefing trip. Sad that things are ending, but happy and excited for the time we have left!

Last office day.

I wrote this part on Thursday:

Today is our last normal day in the office. We still have about two more weeks of the internship, but next week we will be all over the place for OUR GSO and the following week we are heading to DC for some debriefing and and museums and lots and lots of fun. It's strange. I feels like I'll be back here on Monday, but I won't. It feels like I still have a lot of stuff I need to do, people to email, but I really don't. Really, I haven't done a most of my work during "office hours" anyway. When we're all here, we end up talking, watching youtube videos, and other distracting things. Maybe that's why it feels like I'll be back for more. Maybe that's why I can't quite wrap my mind around the fact that this is the last time we will all be here working together. I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss it because it's comfortable and I like routine, but I'm also going to miss it because I love it here. I love these people, I love how we've set up all of our little work areas, I love that I know I am going to be freezing whenever I'm here and I always have to bring some kind of sweater. I love watching the cats that live in the storm drain outside, I love the dum dum craze that we've been on all summer, I love the time we've gotten to spend together here. Who would have thought that I would miss working in an office? Not me.

Today is Saturday. Tomorrow is Sunday. Then Monday comes and we begin our hectic week of OUR GSO. It's what we've been planning for so long. Our tshirts came in and they are great, at least we think so. I'm excited. I can't wait. I know it's going to fly by though. Whenever I feel the end of something approaching, I always wish I could slow down time, hold on to moments a little longer. Trying to stay present, instead of looking ahead so much. We still have a big week of work, and I am excited and I want to be fully here each and every minute of it.

This week was fun. It was good. I liked it a lot. Everything went so fast, but looking back, it was very full. Last Ultimate Frisbee was on Monday. I will miss that time. I will miss hanging out on the sidelines and talking and cheering on the players. It's a restful time for me, because I don't play. I get to just hang out and be with whoever is sitting there with me. I've grown to like it a lot.

We got to have dinner with the Phipps family on Tuesday night. They live really close to Lindley, the school where we meet, and they are awesome. They have two little boys, Kai and little baby Blayze. Hilarious, adorable kids. It was fun to hear them talk about their relationship, how different they are, and how it kind of works because they are so different. They are fun people. I'm glad they're at Hope. Wednesday, we had our last dinner at the Kimbroughs. They have a really crazy story as well. Tripp proposed to Anna shortly after being diagnosed with brain cancer. And they have two little ones. Their oldest, Ella, wasn't there, but cute little Houston entertained us all. He told us about what he wants his wife to be like. He also went for a quick little swim with all of his clothes on. So cute.

I will miss the dinners. I will miss being fed so well, but I'll also miss the wisdom, insight, and stories we got to enter into each time we visited a new home. It was a really precious time. I'm not sure I realized how valuable it was until they ended. It was a lot to have two dinners every week, but I learned so much from these people.

Yesterday, Griffins's dad took all of us interns to see the last Harry Potter movie. Then, later that night, the five of us plus my friend Kayla, played hide and go seek in the dark. I love that we are all still kids at heart. I never want that to fully leave me.

Church tomorrow. Only three more Sundays left.

Everything moves again.

Remember a while ago I titled a post, "Everything Moves?" I think I did and I think I included lyrics from this song I like that talks about all of the things we pursue in this life and how none of it is constant, none of it can sustain us the way that Jesus can. It starts off talking about being a child and ends talking about being old and something about having brittle bones. It talks about all of the in between places and how we chase after all of these things, thinking that they will bring us life, happiness, joy, hope, and they do. They do bring us these things for a while, at least some of them do, but they all fade. They all wither and die. They all pass. They all move.

This weekend the reality of this summer ending, me going back to state, and starting my senior year has kind of hit me. I'd like to hide from it for a little longer, and perhaps I will, but it's there in the back of my mind waiting to be thought about. I know it's coming. I'm trying to live in the moment, but I can't help but look a few weeks ahead. I can't help but look to see what's around the corner. And it's hard.

Right now I can point to many things in my life that I am chasing after, and I can tell you that they are good, they are bringing me life, and so for me to think about changing and going after different things is scary. One, because I like the things I have right now. I like the people. I like this place. I am growing. I am better than I was when I got here. Two, because change terrifies me. Going back to school won't be that bad. I've got a routine there, but college is almost over. What? Never, ever did I think I would reach the day when I was really, really in the real world. That's a lot of change. A lot a lot a lot.

I know it's good for me to feel like this. Discomfort does not equal bad. It's good for this insecurity to be challenged, because it's not right. Change can be good. It is good a lot of the time. I never even give it a chance. I know through this change I will be forced once again to lean on the one who doesn't change or move.

I pray that as I finish up this summer, move into school life, and then eventually move into whatever comes after school life I would go after the things that bring me life, knowing always that I have a solid, unshakeable ground to stand on that will not, can not, and does not move.

you are a tree always in bloom

you are a hall of endless rooms

a living fountain springing up

I'm satisfied but never done

I'm never done

with you

Catch up.

It's been a while since I've written. Several weeks. If anyone is reading, I am sorry for slacking off. In all honesty, I've missed writing. I like doing this. It helps me process things from day to day. It forces me to look at the things I have been a part of since the last time I wrote, and really decide how I felt about it, what I liked, what I didn't like, what was hard, what was easy. It's a good exercise, I think.

I wrote last about getting medicine from the doctor. I finished the second round of antibiotics, and things seemed to be feeling good, but my test results came back and it was not an infection like they thought it was. I'm feeling ok and just hoping that it doesn't creep back again.

Three Tuesdays ago we got to have dinner with the Donovans. Ashley, Danny and little baby Canaan. Ashley was my small group leader in high school. I loved getting to go over there and share with my intern family these people that have meant so much to me over the years. It was a comfortable, sweet time for me. We ate dinner and just hung out for a while. I always love time spent with Ash so of course this was no different.

After the Donovans we headed to the Grieves the following night for a fun, engaging night of hamburgers, games, and good conversation. I've known the Grieves for a while and they always manage to make me feel extremely welcome and wanted and just good. It was a good night for all of us I think. We sat outside and talked for a long time.

Have I talked about the youth camping trip we went on yet? I don't think I have. And I think it occurred on the Thursday after dinner with the Grieves. I may be wrong about that though. Regardless, we took about 15 of the youth camping a few weeks ago. I am not in charge of planning youth stuff (that's all Erin and Matt), so really I just kind of showed up and partook in all the fun. We got to swim in the creek, cook over the fire, create a huge bonfire, learn some dances, sing some songs, and enjoy each other. We have some pretty incredible kids in our church. They are all pretty great, actually. It's crazy how God puts us together, how there can be so many different personalities, so many different ages and places in life, but we all bring something different to the table, we all contribute to the youth group of Hope Chapel in a unique and important way. I am thankful for the time that I have gotten to spend with the youth. I am amazed at the amount they have taught me about community and love. These kids are legit.

I am finding that the things I love about being here are totally different than last year, and the things I'm struggling to have a good attitude about are different. I love my team. I love the other interns. I love working with them and hanging out with them and knowing them. I love that we're all so different, because diversity is good, because it means I'm leaning stuff about them and about myself. I've felt more of that team-ness than last year. I've felt loved and valued and cared for in a way that didn't exist before. I've felt known and understood and I like it. I like it more than I ever thought I would.

We've had a few other dinners since the last time I wrote (I will try not to get this far behind again). We ate with the Crawfords and the Norths one week. The Crawfords house always feels like a big party. They are just really good about opening their home to people and making them feel welcome. It was a fun night. More delicious food, of course, and lots of good questions asked. Kenny is a vet and allowed the other four interns to play with his two snakes at the end of the night. I did not partake. The Norths was a fun night for me. I lived with them last summer, so it was fun and strange to be back for dinner. We ate out on their awesome screened in back porch that I love and they introduced us to the game, "scum," after dinner. It was an intense card game. Luckily, my noncompetitive nature keeps me sane when I play games like this one. I started out doing really well and by the end of the game I had nothing.

The youth event two weeks ago was board games and dessert. We had it at the Weatherlys (where I am living). Erin and Matt baked a ton of yummy treats and all the kids brought their favorite board games. I lost in blokus about 10 times. But it was a fun night. I think the kids enjoyed it. By the end of the night, we had a huge crowd around the tv watching people play just dance on the wi (hilarious game).

This past week we got to eat with the Henrys and with Todd. The Henrys are awesome. They talked to us for a long time about the mission of Hope Chapel and Project Hope and what that would look like to be played out more so in the future. It was encouraging and kind of a little bit of a reality check as we get closer and closer to OUR GSO. In a time when I was getting really caught up in the details of planning and the tediousness of everything, they reminded me why I am here and what we are trying to accomplish. It was a sweet reminder, plus we got to experience the Michael Jackson experience on the wi. So fun. Dinner at Todds was fun too. It felt casual, like we were just hanging out. I didn't feel like anything was really expected of me. I felt free to be there and just be honest about how I was feeling. I wasn't trying to impress anyone or act a certain way. It just felt like there were less expectations on me than other dinner nights. We talked and played a board game involving estimating. It was fun. I was tired, but it was fun and I was thankful for the casual atmosphere.

That brings us to this thursday night, when we had a cookout and water games night organized by the lovely youth pastors, Erin and Matt. It was a fun night. Hamburgers and water guns. What more could a kid want? We had a sweet time all together before all the kids left. We all were sitting together and answering questions that Matt had come up with beforehand. It was sweet. They looked just like a real life youth group. So encouraging.

The past three weeks, more than anything, have felt busy. When I have had time to do stuff like update the blog, I have chosen to sleep instead. That is a big prayer request as we reach the final stretch of the internship. Pray for perseverance, for strength and energy to do things and to do them well. Also for me to make time to be still, even when that's hard to do that I would find a way to make that a priority, because I need it in order to do my work well. We have one more normal week and then OUR GSO. How did this all happen so quickly? I'm sad that it's ending. I'm sad that I have to leave soon.

I am fighting to stay open, open like a lake.

Got more medicine from the doctor. Seems to be clearing up. I'll know for sure what it was when my test results come back sometime in the next few days.

Peace Haven is a really cool place. We got to work in the garden, and on a few other projects around the farm. A bunch of us got to go see where the chickens, ducks, and sheep live. We collected the eggs, and fed the sheep. It was a good morning. It was fun, but we also got things done. We had a potluck lunch before we all went home to crash for the afternoon.

Interns minus Matt watched Inglourious Basterds Saturday night. The boys all love it. Griffin says that it is his favorite movie. They quote it all the time. So Erin and I finally caved and agreed to watch it. Erin loved it too. I think I'm the only one that didn't love it. I'm glad I saw it, but I probably won't ever watch it again, and I probably won't ever quote it. I guess I get why people like that kind of stuff, but it's just not really my style. There were some funny parts, but overall, just not my thing.

Sunday we didn't have to arrive until 9:15! Woo! Since school is out for the summer now, we get to keep the crates inside and don't have to bring them in the trailer every week. It shaves a little bit of time off of our weekly Sunday morning routine. This week Todd preached about peace. I liked it a lot. I took notes. I listen better when I do that. I joined the Lindley Park Community Group for music in the park at Friendly Sunday night. It was fun. There were just bands playing and we got to hang out, listen, eat, and get coldstone afterwards.

Today we met to talk through more planning stuff for OUR GSO. I'm not as overwhelmed. Things are starting to come together. Days are being pieced together. We're getting to the planning of the details and thinking about promotion and tshirts and fun stuff like that. It's not as scary as it was a few weeks ago, because it doesn't seem as big. We are slowly but surely making progress.

I listened to this song today. I liked it a lot. It spoke to a lot of things that I have been struggling with lately. I pray that I would be open like a lake.

so much hurt and preservation

like a tendril round my soul

so much painful information

no clear way on how to hold it

when everything in me is tightening

curling in around this ache

I will lay my heart wide open

like the surface of a lake

wide open like a lake

standing at this waters edge

looking in at God's own heart

I've no idea where to begin

to swallow up the way things are

everything in me is drawing in

closing in around this pain

I will lay my heart wide open

like the surface of a lake

wide open like a lake

bring the wind and bring the thunder

bring the rain till I am tired

when it's over bring me stillness

let my face reflect the sky

and all the grace and all the wonder

of a peace that I can't fake

wide open like a lake

everything in me is tightening

curling in around this ache

I am fighting to stay open

I am fighting to stay open

open open oh wide open

open like a lake

Quick week.

I am going to the doctor later this afternoon.

Tuesday we had the honor of getting to have dinner with the Phillips. It was really awesome and encouraging to get to hear part of their story. I am amazed each time we get to interact with a different family of how different each family actually is. I love hearing people's stories. I love hearing about how they got to where they are now, because if they don't tell me about it, then I just assume things and when I assume things I am probably wrong, and then I miss out on the truth. I am thankful for Tim and Kate's willingness to be honest and open with us. They even let us tour every nook and cranny of their house, including (but not limited to) their attic. Literally, every single meal we have eaten has been amazing too. We had this great salad and baked spaghetti with yummmy bread.

Wednesday we got to have chicken pot pie with the York family. Also, delicious! I am in Community Group with the Yorks, but it was fun to get to hang out with them and see them from a slightly different perspective. I got to hear some of their story that I did not know. Their son, Calvin, sang us one of the most recent songs he has written, and Silas read us a few of his poems. I love their creativity and eagerness to share. We sat on the back patio and ate ice cream cake for a while after dinner. It was nice. It felt refreshing, encouraging, and comfortable.

I'm already realizing how much I am going to miss all of these people when I have to leave this place.

Yesterday, before we had make-your-own-pizza-night with the youth, Patrick and I met with Michael to talk through the last four chapters of Generous Justice. It was so much stuff, and really really overwhelming in a lot of ways, but also exciting. It is good, good stuff. You all should read it. I am exciting about getting started on the curriculum we are writing. We will start that this coming week. There definitely is not a lack of material. I think what will be most challenging is deciding what we want to focus on, and what we want to leave out. There is so much good stuff in there.

Pizza night was awesome. I would say that it was a huge success. It was fun. Nearly 20 kids came out. We had 18 youth, I think. Seriously, I didn't even know that there were that many kids in our church. So that's crazy awesome. We made pizza, cooked the pizza (which took a little longer than we would have hoped), and played outside (swing, basketball, bean toss...). I had a lot of fun, and I think the kids did too.

This week has been great. It's been much more organic in regards to our team dynamic. It's been busy, but it's gone by super fast. I do need to be more intentional about taking time to slow down, because it's not going to happen on its own.

My Community Group is going to work at Peace Haven Farm tomorrow morning. I'm really excited to get to go out there and see what it's like. We are planning on partnering with them one day during OUR GSO, and I get to talk to them tomorrow about that too. They are a working farm, or on their way to being a working farm. It is going to be a place where people with disabilities can come, live, and contribute to the farm. They haven't launched yet, but are working hard to get there. It really is a beautiful mission that they have.

Today felt good.

I need to be better about waking up earlier. That is a prayer request. I want to have time in the morning to start the day of being still, but the past few days I have woken up with five frantic minutes to get ready and race out the door. We don't even have to be anywhere super early most days, so I really have no excuse.

My back has started hurting again, and I had to pee like a million times today sooooo I am going to call the doctor tomorrow and try to get an appointment so hopefully I can take care of whatever this is. I took a round of antibiotics a few weeks ago and it seemed to be on the way to feeling normal again, but I feel it coming back. My thing is that it doesn't really hurt that bad. I feel like in order for me to do something about it I need to be in real pain, which is so dumb. Something is not right in my body, and I need to take care of it.

I want to thank all of you who have emailed me, texted me, called me, even those of you that have just prayed for me. I feel your prayers. I kind of don't really like it when people say that sometimes, because I'm not always sure what it means, but I will explain what I mean by it. I have felt very loved and cared for. I feel you guys loving me and supporting me. I feel lifted up, and cherished. I feel God reminding me that I am here as part of his plan, that I have things to offer. I feel affirmed. Thank you for your encouragement, and for every way shape and form it has appeared.

I rolled into the office around 11 today. We are supposed to get Monday mornings off as kind of a break after the marathon that is Sunday. Matt was just finishing reading the Book of Common Prayer for the day. He's been reading it out loud each day to us. I like it. I got a lot done in the office today. I was only there for about an hour and a half, but I got caught up on emailing, organized some filing stuff, nailed down a few scheduling things for this week, and did some reading. It was great.

We had a meeting with all of us interns plus Michael to talk about OUR GSO after lunch. Things are finally starting to come together. It's getting to the point where we know enough that it's real and exciting and stuff is starting to mold and form into what the week will look like, but at the same time there is still a ton to do, plan, organize and just a lot to do in general that I am overwhelmed. So overall, excited and overwhelmed, maybe more of an excited overwhelmed. I am glad that we all get to work together. We are united on this project. No one is left to do anything alone. There is comfort there. It makes it more doable. July 18th-24th. Mark your calendars. It's going to be awesome.

Monday night = ultimate frisbee. Halfway through the night we got kicked off of the field we were playing on by UNCG campus police. Whoops. We packed up and moved over to a different field, more like a lawn in front of some building on campus. Slightly annoying that we can't really seem to get permission to use any of the fields on campus, but it turned out fine. Thankfully, it wasn't so hot this evening, and there seemed to be more shade on the field we moved to. I would say it was a successful night.

Today felt good. I felt like I got a lot done. I felt like I had some good conversations. I felt like I had a good balance of everything. I think it's good to have these days, especially after having so many intense ones in a row. It feels good to know that things don't have to be so emotionally overwhelming everyday. I don't know, maybe it's me retreating a little bit, but I don't really feel like that's the case. I think that today all of the stuff I have been carrying around with me was still there, it was still real, but it didn't have to be so heavy today. I could have it be there, and not have it be quite so overbearing or overwhelming. I wasn't hiding from it or trying to hide it from everyone around me, and I think that stripped it of some of it's power. Maybe not. All I know is that today felt good, and I am thankful for that.