"... but the end is still to come."

Mark 13:5-8

Jesus said to them: "Watch out that no one deceives you. Many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am he,' and will deceive many. When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains.

The end is still to come. I want to live each day as if I actually believed that. I want to live each day with the hope of an end far greater than anything I could imagine. When things hurt, when I am angry, when I am frustrated or upset, I want to be pointed back to this truth: the end is still to come.

It's hard to live with that perspective. I can't even imagine a beautiful end to such a messy story, my story. I see things in me that I don't like. I hate the things about myself that hold me back from loving well, that keep me from being honest, that push me into fear, that take away my joy, my hope. These things seem big. They seem overwhelming in the sense that I can't understand them fully and also in the sense that I can't fix them. I can't make them better. I look at the things within me that hold me back, and I want to give up. I want to call it quits, because there is no way I am going to figure out how to handle those things, and even if I did, there's no way I could manage the pain that would be necessary to do that.

That sucks. I really hate that. I really hate that a lot. That feeling of hopelessness. That feeling of weight pushing down on me. That feeling is there. It's there and more than anything I want to deal with it. I don't want it to go away without me learning from it. I want to be better because of it. I don't want it to go to waste. And I don't think it will.

I don't think that a single tear goes unused. I think that our God is bigger than that. I think that he knows what's best for me. I have hope in that. Even in the midst of pain, there is hope that our hurt can make us more like Jesus. When things don't play out in my timeline, when I seem to be failing over and over again to do what I so desperately need to do, when that last little sliver of hope seems to be fading away, I want to remember that the end is still to come. God, I want to remember that on my darkest days, because that makes me want to be brave. That makes me want to trust in eternal things, and not just what I can see now. That makes me want to smile. That is where my joy is found. That is where peace is. That is where the strength to do good, to do right has to come from.

I get the image from the Passion of the Christ when Jesus' foot comes down on the serpent's head. I want to hold on to that image, always.

The end is still to come. I know that. I know it, and I really do believe it. I really do. I want to believe it with the choices that I make everyday. I have so much to hope in, so much to look forward to, so much to be thankful for. The end is still to come and the end is just the beginning. How cool is it that I get to know that? How comforting is it that I get to be a part of that end? I am thankful for that comfort. I am thankful for the confidence that I can find in that truth.