Week dos.

Do I wish that things were easy? That is the question I am asking myself at the end of today. It is Tuesday. It feels like it should be at least Thursday. This week I feel like I have crammed a whole weeks worth of things into two little days. We have a lot of stuff going on that we are planning for our week of service at the end of July. We have a lot going on in the coming days and weeks that we are preparing for. We have a lot relationally going on as we continue to feel out how our team is going to work together. I have a lot on my mind just having to do with conversations and things I have talked about with people. My body isn't that tired today, but my brain is, my heart is. Our weeks are full. They are full of things needing to get done but they are also fully of love. We have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to love one another and ourselves. How to care for the families that we interact with and how to care for each other. There's no other way to put it. Days turn into weeks and the weeks just feel very full.

I had my first counseling session today. I love it and hate it so much. I'm glad that I am here and I wouldn't trade this experience for anything, but today was hard. Sitting in that room and being honest about where I am and how I am doing was hard. A huge prayer request that I have would be for my willingness to be vulnerable, to be real with people, to be honest.

We had dinner with another family from the church tonight. We really are so lucky that we get to hang out and break bread with these beautiful families each week. Tonight we went out to eat with the Bryants. They have two adorable little kids. I was coming into the dinner with a cloud over my head. I had a really intense counseling session and then a worship debrief meeting (where I was so distracted that I maybe said one thing the entire time) and pretty shortly after that we went to dinner. My mind had just been going since my meeting with Todd. I was processing and bouncing things around up there. I was just replaying everything that we talked about, and then all of the sudden I was expected to talk to these people I'd never really met before. I was struggling to be there fully. But I sat next to their daughter, Davis, and I got to talk to her throughout the meal. I love talking to little kids. I love where their minds go. I wish I still had some of that innocence or ignorance or whatever it is that makes kids so cute and great and awesome. After we had all eaten most of our meal, Davis asked me if she could sit in my lap. Duh. That adorable little child cuddled up on my lap made me feel so close to God's love. She gave me love so freely. She was so interested to hear about what my favorite color was and what I want to be when I grow up (she wants to be a cooker aka a chef). I couldn't have asked for a better way for God to remind me of what I am called to and how much he loves me. And I think that's where I will find my answer to that question. Do I wish this was easy? If you had asked me a few hours ago, I probably would have said yes, but I get to learn and grow closer to God's love through the intensity and through the uncertainties and through the hard stuff. Tonight I am thankful for the hard stuff, and for the support and relief Jesus provides in the most unlikely places.

We had some really great intern hang out time after dinner. I really love these guys a lot.