Grace unending all my days, you'll give me strength to run this race.

I like it here. In this one place. Other places like the future, the past, and potential pasts and futures are pulling at me, trying to take my focus off of this one place. But for the first time in a long time, I am very content with where I am. I like it here. I don't want to be here forever, but I feel a sense of wonder and possibility as I sit here and look forward. I don't feel anxious. I don't feel sad. I don't feel unprepared. I only feel thankful for this one place and expectant that the next place will come and that is will be great, it will be necessary, it will be for my betterment. There is so much about my life right now that is not for sure. Seriously, I have absolutely no idea what my life will look like a year from now, two years from now, three years from now. The farther out I go, the hazier things get. I don't know where I will be, what I will be doing, or who I will be doing things with. Can you believe that doesn't scare me to death? I can't. It is wild how he hasn't given me anything that I wasn't ready for, and it's even more wild how he knows me better than I know myself. He knows when I am ready; often times I don't.

Can we take a minute to talk about that. Christian bubbles love to tell you that, "God will not give you anything that you can't handle." There probably is truth in that. I think that God loves us a whole lot. I think he gives us things that seem both good and bad, out of that love. I'm not really positive exactly what it means to be able to "handle" something, but I think I can get on board with the statement that, "our heavenly father will not give us anything that we are not capable of doing or learning from; he won't give us anything that's not good for us." That seems obvious. What is becoming more and more obvious to me is this: he may never give me more than I can handle, but he does push me, he does give me things to handle. It might not be more than I can handle, but sometimes it feels like exactly the amount of X I can have without having X become something unhealthy, without having X become something it shouldn't be.

This idea of God not giving me more than I can handle has always been something I have found comfort in, but I also hid behind it. It gives me an out. More recently God has been showing me how very true his promises are. I don't have to worry about tomorrow or the next day. I don't have to live in stress and anxiety. I don't have to be hard and guarded and sarcastic all of the time. I may not know what I'm doing with my life or even with next semester, but I am confident in the fact that he tells me he will always provide for me, care for me; he will always love me well. I am very sure of that. As I have grown in my understanding of what it means for Jesus to promise not to leave me, I have discovered that where there was once fear, peace now resides. Where there was once stress and anxiety, wonder and possibility are now abounding. Where self-doubt and sheer terror once ruled, surety of my ability to meet God's plans for me now reign.

I am not sure of a lot of things, but I am learning to be content with that. I am learning to hold on to things bigger than my plans. I am learning that part of the ride is just sitting back and appreciating the current view. I am learning how to enjoy the ride more and more. Nothing about the ride is perfect, but there is so much for me to learn right here and right now.